There is another type of tiredness that you can feel even when you are not physically tired but mentally fatigued. This is the type of exhaustion, where your physical body remains still whilst your mind questions a million different possibilities and a million imagined outcomes during the moments of quiet time that you have. All of the imagined outcomes that your mind creates doesn’t exist but yet continue to seem very much real to your mind.
“What will happen when it all goes wrong?” “What will happen when I fall?” “What will happen when they leave?” ” What will happen when I’m not enough?” In the examples above your mind has taken you away from the present moment and has now delivered you into a future that is full of fear and uncertainty. Living in the constant state of “what if’s” is very exhausting.
When Your Mind Becomes a Loop
Typically, you will start with one thought and an initial concern that seemed small at that time and then it will continuously grow. For example, one thought will turn into five thoughts and then as time goes on those five thoughts will eventually become ten thoughts. Prior to you even realising it you will have been thinking about the worst possible outcomes or scenarios that could possibly occur as a way to prepare yourself for an occurrence that may never actually happen. Often, you will replay conversations that have already occurred, Often, you will overthink decisions that you have already made, Often, you will question each and everything that you will never be able to get an answer to. Even when you are surrounded by stillness, your mind continues to run wild.
The Illusion of Control
At its core, “what if” thinking often stems from our insatiable appetite for feeling safe. “If I consider all the possible outcomes, perhaps I can find ways of avoiding the possibility of experiencing any pain”, ” If I can foresee the potential things that could go wrong, perhaps I can control the outcome”, ” If I am mentally prepared for anything that may happen, perhaps I will not be surprised.” However, such ways of thinking provides little peace for most people. Ultimately, they prevent you from having any form of protection, and in fact, prevent you from making any progress. Even though you may run through a million scenarios in your mind, ultimately there will be always another “what if” waiting for you.
The Impact on Your Life
The continuous level of anxiety that you are experiencing in your mind may be difficult to describe to others, but it’s also extremely draining to live with on a daily basis. You may find yourself trying to relax but to no avail, you may struggle to make decisions due to fear that whatever decision you make will be the wrong one, you may require excessive amounts of reassurance from those around you but even when you get the reassurance you still don’t believe the reassurance and you may feel mentally fatigued not necessarily physically. You may not be able to tell how tense you are until you have a rare moment where there is a lack of noise or distraction and then you take notice of how tired you have become from your constant anxiety.
How You Lose the Present Moment
One of the most challenging parts of living with “what if” thoughts is everything that this takes away from you. When you are enjoying yourself or having a good time with friends or enjoying a quiet moment, if a “what if” thought pops into your head it takes away from the enjoyment or fun you had in that time frame. An example, if you’re enjoying yourself and you suddenly think, “what if this doesn’t last?” or “what if something happens to ruin this?” before you know it, the fun or good time you had is gone because you’re now worrying that it will end. You’re not worrying because you’ve had a bad experience on the contrary you’re worrying because you’ve created in your mind a fear of what might happen. What this does is make your life less about what it currently is and more about what’s going to likely happen negatively.
Learning to Gently Let Go
Letting go of the thought of constantly wondering about “what could have been” does not mean that you are no longer concerned or thinking about the future. This means you have learned to recognize when you are in the “in the future” world and come back to the “in the present” world without being in a constant battle with yourself and your thoughts. An example of this may be: You can now notice the thought without necessarily believing it at that moment, You can ask yourself “Is this true right now?”, You can ground yourself in what is real instead of what is made up in your mind, You can remind yourself that uncertainty is part of life not something you can eliminate and You do not have to answer every “what could have been”. Not every thought deserves the energy that you may have assigned to it.
You Are Allowed to Be Safe Without Knowing Everything
One of the most beautiful things you will learn to do is to realise; That you don’t need to predict everything in order to know you will be okay. Life contains uncertainty, life contains people and things are unpredictable and nothing is guaranteed. However, within that uncertainty there exists a place of peace. This peace is not because everything it is in a regulated environment, but rather a result of you learning to be able to trust that you can handle anything that may come your way.
A Gentle Reminder
If you are currently living in a never ending state of continuous “what if”, you are not less than. You are simply someone who is searching for a safe place in an uncertain world. But you shouldn’t have to live in the endless mental chatter you’re experiencing. You deserve to find quietness within your mind, You deserve to find calm within your body, You deserve to stop getting ready for pain that has yet to occur. Perhaps the first step in your healing isn’t about stopping every thought in your head. Perhaps the first step is about returning to the present moment, reminding yourself that;
I am okay in this moment, right now.
Sometimes this will be enough.
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