Have you ever felt stuck in a situation where there are no boundaries, and you rely on each other for validation, self-worth, and identity? If so, then you are familiar with the concept of enabling. Both parties are getting some gratification from it, meaning, people with the savior complex yearn for that recognition and the feeling that they are needed, while the other party relies fully on them for functionality.
codependency refers to a dysfunctional relationship where one person relies on the other emotionally and psychologically. This could be either romantic, work, or platonic relationships.
This appears to be working perfectly in the beginning, just before resentment, self-loathing and toxicity kicks in and as a result, one loses their self-esteem, personal identity, ability to set healthy boundaries while struggling to maintain a sense of independence, thus straining the relationship and causing emotional distress.
Predisposing factors
Codependency is complex and can be caused by several things including:
Dysfunctional family dynamics. A history of mental illness or substance abuse can cause a child to grow up putting their personal needs first.
Cultural and society influences. Normalizing saying nothing for the sake of peace, or the idea of self-sacrifice at the expense of your needs and feelings, only serves as fuel to codependency.
Fear of abandonment. Rejection is always a bitter pill to swallow; it makes one stay in a situation that is far from ideal, rather than entertain the idea of being lonely. A lack of a good role model limits one’s ability to learn effective interpersonal skills.
Low self-esteem. Makes one prone to codependency tendencies while seeking validation.
Lack of emotional support. Individuals who did not receive emotional support might develop codependency as they seek validation from others.
Childhood trauma. Codependency could develop as a coping mechanism in response to abuse, neglect, or loss in the early developmental stages.
How to overcome
Self-awareness. It is important to reflect on your feelings and behavior patterns.
Communication skills. It’s okay to set boundaries, be assertive and honest, and let the other person know the limit and how you would like to be treated. This helps build healthy relationships
Practice mindfulness. This helps one to be here and now. To understand your feelings, behavior, and the consequences in the moment.
Consider therapy. Issues like childhood trauma, abuse,and mental illnesses can also contribute to codependency tendencies. Seeking professional help is one step closer to achieving self-awareness.
Educate yourself. Read about issues to do with mental health, seek enlightenment and more understanding.
Set realistic goals. Understand that you cannot fix other people’s problems, hence prioritize your emotional and well-being.
Look at it this way, if eight people in a group of ten, have gone through the journey of self-awareness, improving their emotional intelligence and strive to reach self-actualization, then the other two are more likely to learn and evolve with the group, Hence taking some time off to work on yourself is not selfish but the opposite actually, You make the next person better too through open communication and the art of observing. In the long run, you will be surrounded by a healthy support system.
Keep in mind that it is a process; it cannot happen overnight. Be patient with your own journey. Take the first step and keep at it.
#you are not alone
#Take the first step
Tools you can use to identify codependency and start your self-awareness journey.
https://www.universalcoachinstitute.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/Codependency-Worksheet-1.pdf
https://www.universalcoachinstitute.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/Codependency-Worksheet-2.pdf
https://www.universalcoachinstitute.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/Codependency-Worksheet-3.pdf
Keep in mind that, it is a process, it can not happen overnight be patient with your own journey.
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